are you so shy because you have an std?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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