Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
