I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
