i permit you to call me
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Randomize
