Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
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When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
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The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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