I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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