So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
