you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
