wanna go halves on a baby?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
