I wannas sexs uuuuu
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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