I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
