I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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