please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...