So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"