I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes