Barsexuality is the new black.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
