I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
