dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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