I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
