Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
