it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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