The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji