dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?