This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"