I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.