Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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