Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.