I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings