Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.