Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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