I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b