This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
There's always time for handjobs
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.