I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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