Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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