my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
