so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Randomize
