is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
