I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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