So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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