Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize