I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
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