I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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