Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
