i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
