remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
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I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
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I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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