She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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