Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
