Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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