Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
