life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.