you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
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Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
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Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now