The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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