The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
