Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
