as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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