you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
my poor anus
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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