Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
