my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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