I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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