I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.