Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?