Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16