It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
These 21 Declassified Government Horrors Are Unimaginable
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual