Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.