it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT