I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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