just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
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my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
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My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.