Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize