I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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