You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
