Kiss
Puke
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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