you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
