Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Pooping to opera.
Randomize