why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
