party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
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Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
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Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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