I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
